by David Zahl
And they heard the sound of the LORD God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the LORD.
Genesis 3:8

Why are we so lonely? And what do we do about our loneliness? We’re in a constant state of connection with people, yet we feel lonelier than we ever have before. What is going on? Loneliness, really, is simply the desire for intimacy. Loneliness is not synonymous with being alone or bored, nor does being with others guarantee protection from loneliness. Anyone who’s married knows that.
Why are we so lonely? Well, in theological terms, it has everything to do with the law of God. The law pushes us toward ambition and self-actualization, and the price we often pay is loneliness, a lack of connections. What do we do? We sacrifice family for career. It reminds me of the great New Yorker cartoon of Abraham looking up at the clouds as he’s about to sacrifice Isaac and saying, “Must I sacrifice family for career?”
We’re lonely for some cultural reasons, but we’re lonely for reasons that are much more than cultural, because people have always been lonely, and they always will be lonely. We’re lonely because there is a shortage of love. We feel our aloneness because there is a paucity of grace and an overabundance of judgment. There is a whole lot of law and not a lot of gospel out there. Our isolation, our being cast out of the garden, our division is sin, pure and simple sin, and that sin isolates. The poet George Herbert wrote, “Surely if each one saw another’s heart, there would be no commerce, no sale or bargain pass; all would disperse and live apart.”
When John Lennon sings, “I am a loser and I’m not who I pretend to be,” this is what he’s getting at. Sin isolates; it inspires hiding. We know who we should be but we also know who we are, and so we see how far short we fall of not just God’s law but the law of any kind of decency and dignity. And so we hide and we isolate ourselves. We block intimacy. Hiding makes us even lonelier.

Thought to Remember for Today

The only lasting cure for loneliness is to see ourselves as we are in Christ: completely covered by His righteousness and communing together with Him.

Fitzpatrick, E. (2016). Grace untamed: a 60-day devotional. Colorado Springs, CO: David C Cook.