by David Zahl
And the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the LORD.
Genesis 3:8

Another way we try to deal with loneliness is to distract ourselves from it. We keep ourselves busy all the time. One of the great ironies of modern technology is that it was meant to make it so we’d have more leisure time, get our work done faster. But it didn’t really work out that way, did it?
We live in a culture where there is no danger whatsoever of people being too lazy. Our problem is that we cannot rest! “Oh, I’m so busy,” we say. But what if you weren’t busy? What would that say about you? People might think we’ve got nothing going on.
But distraction and busy-ness are not the only ways we deal with loneliness. Another way we deal with it is to buy people’s love. We think, through some kind of relational transaction, that we can make ourselves into someone who is lovable, because we know we’re not lovable as we are. So we try to present to the world only a façade we think will get us love, and then we’ll feel a little less alone for the moment.
These are all, really, legalistic ways to live. These are legalistic ways to save ourselves from loneliness. They’re legalistic, because they are really all forms of control. We think, If I do these things, I won’t have to deal with my loneliness. I can make myself into a person who won’t be lonely. I can pay other people to love me as I want myself to be loved. But these things only compound the loneliness, because, remember, if an idealized form of you is being loved, you don’t feel loved because you know you’re not that person. This is why social media, for instance, can compound people’s loneliness so much, because even when you do have a gazillion online friends, you know the person who is getting all this attention is actually not you, but some projection.

Thought to Remember for Today

Even though we try to handle our loneliness by controlling what people think of us, the truth is that the Lord sees us as we really are and yet loves us immeasurably. We are fully known and fully loved!

Fitzpatrick, E. (2016). Grace untamed: a 60-day devotional. Colorado Springs, CO: David C Cook.