by Scotty Smith
Therefore, my beloved, flee from idolatry.
1 Corinthians 10:14

The next idol in my life began to rear its ugly head. It was control. After the coach’s crushing words, I got desperate to fix myself. I hated to exercise, but with no one coaching me, after school I would come home to my empty house, wrap my body in cellophane, put on sweats, and run. I was trying to save myself, really, and for three months I ate heads of lettuce and drank water and ended up dropping forty pounds. When I started my tenth-grade year, my nickname had become “Skinny Scotty,” and while I was in great danger of having an eating disorder, I was more concerned about appearing in control. I’ll show him, I thought about the coach.
Even though I was still ragingly insecure, Skinny Scotty had a new way of comforting himself. I wasn’t changed at all on the inside; I had just put another false god in the temple of my heart. Yes, I still wanted comfort, but now I also worshipped control. Exercise became a religion, a way to control what people said about me. But even this wasn’t enough for my idolatrous heart. I also wanted community, acceptance. I discovered a category in the yearbook called “Best Dressed,” and I began to earn money so I could buy clothes. I got two part-time jobs, and I started stealing.
This focus gave way to a longing for impact and significance. I wanted people to notice me.
I joined my brother’s band. I was so insecure, so disconnected. I had a closet full of clothes. I would buy three of the same thing so nothing I wore would ever look worn out. Desperate people do desperate things. Then, as I was preparing to drive to the first gig the band had, I heard that the only girl with whom I’d had any kind of relationship had just been killed in a car accident.
Soon, in His grace and kindness, the Lord brought me to Himself and I became a serious Christian. I began to learn and study, but in so many ways I was still trying to satisfy my idols of comfort, control, acceptance, and significance—only now by filtering them through religion. But even religion was no substitute for the Savior, and my religious devotion was no substitute for my deliverance from idols. I needed the grace of God.

Thought to Remember for Today

As you’ve read over this candid confession of god-making, have you sensed that you can be freed from your own pain and resultant idolatries? Knowing others are just like us is very comforting, but knowing that Jesus knows us and is filled with mercy is even more liberating. Let’s face it: God only has wounded idolaters to work with. It’s all He has, but He’s got one perfect Son whose faithfulness becomes ours by grace. Remember that even in your idolatry you’re still called, “My beloved.”

Fitzpatrick, E. (2016). Grace untamed: a 60-day devotional. Colorado Springs, CO: David C Cook.